Leadership: The Red Hot Of Gray: Surviving the Battle of Preferences

The Red Hot Of Gray: Surviving the Battle of Preferences

Students are mingling, chatting vigorously about the closing story of your talk which you just wrapped up in a motivating and humorous fashion. From the conversations, you sense excitement in the air; from the body language of your kids, positive vibes abound. Overall, you feel positive about the direction your group is headed.

As you pack up the video you used that night, a parent approaches. It’s obvious from the look on her face she’s concerned about something. But what? You meet her half way, showing interest and care as you ask how you can help. Within minutes there is no doubt what’s bothering her -- your choice of music for that night!

“I just don’t understand how you can show that music video from that so-called Christian group. They’re the last people I’d want my daughter to look to as role models!” she states.

“First of all, I’m sorry,” you reply. “I didn’t know it was offensive to you. Many of our teens listen to them and --”

“Well, maybe you don’t know it,” she interrupts, “but I’m not the only one concerned about this. There are other parents who feel like I do.”

Suddenly, the positive direction you sensed so confidently starts fading into neutrality, edging closely to a downward spiral, not an upward soar.

If you’ve been involved in youth work longer than one day, you can relate to that scenario. Oh, maybe your situation is not about music. But whatever the specifics, there is one common generality: preferences.

Don’t be fooled -- preferences are not gray issues at all. Sure, with verbal words we indicate they’re not a big deal. But judging by visible actions when things don’t go like we wish, preferences are anything but gray. In fact, they are usually red hot! Sadly, many of us can relate, can’t we? The upset mom, the angry dad, the ticked-off worker... you get the picture.

How can a youth worker manage the volatile feelings that accompany all the preferences represented in a group? What steps can be taken to help us realistically deal with the red hot feelings about gray issues?

1. Model the Biblical mandate. First and foremost, act in a way that models strong Christianity; don’t react in a mad way. If the issue at hand is truly a preference to you, then exemplify the scriptural way to handle such gray differences: Sacrificially release your liberty! Take the high road; keep these non-essentials at a non-argumentative level.

2. Stay in stride with the church. Typically, a student group reflects the church as a whole. So if you’re in a traditional church, pushing a “Gen X” style may prove difficult. If your church consists of rural families, insisting on inner city outreach could be a dead-end road. You can put an end to most preference battles by simply maintaining the same general style as your church. This stance of unity and cohesiveness will go a long way in stopping unnecessary talk.

3. Communicate. Most preference battles erupt, not from angry people, but from uninformed people. Sure, their apparent ignorance exhibits itself in anger and frustration. The root cause, however, may be not knowing what’s going on as opposed to not agreeing with what’s going on. Take every opportunity to communicate your purpose and mission. Use every chance to cast the vision. Truly, informed people are usually happy people.

4. Find common ground by seeking the big picture. When in the thick of it, find the things you agree on. Initiate conversation about these items, and give up the non-essentials at every turn. Highlight what’s really important, positive proof you both want the same end result. Agreeing on the “big picture” can bring you together in ways that will make the minor things just that -- minor!

Todd
YLC

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