Drama: Saturday Night

Cast: Joe, Jesus Christ, and Voice

Set: Living Room of Joe, two chairs in middle of stage. The rest of the set is imaginary.

Production Note: Jesus’ character is representative of our Lord. He should be dressed in modern attire, with no traditional "Jesus garb." This scene should be stretched out as long as possible and should include various "awkward silences" between Joe and JC. In the instances where Joe is trying to leave, you may want him to become desprate and make a run for it, only for JC to casually step in His way. Also, JC’s character is very calm, relaxed, and emotional. When Joe says something that hurts him, the audience should see it on his face.

As the scene begins, Joe is getting ready to go to a party while talking on the phone.

Joe: ...it’s going to be great! Man... the girls that are going to be there! I hear Candy's there, man. ... I know! Man, if I were him, well, you know what I’d be doing. Well, yeah, that’s going to be there, but... I know. I’ll watch myself. Trust me.

Wow! Look at the time. The guys’ll be here any minute. I gotta go. Wish me luck, dude! (Joe hangs up the phone.) Better check the profile. (Joe checks his appearance in a mirror.) Perfect... (smiling) as usual.

There is a knock at the door.

Joe: Wow. They’re here. On time for a change. (Calling as he checks his looks one last time.) Coming!

Joe goes and opens the door. JC is standing at the door.

Joe: Jesus Christ?! Uh... Jesus Christ. (Surprised by his appearance.) Uhhh... gee. Umm... I’d love to talk, Jesus, and I know you need to talk with me, but the guys are on the way. (JC attempts to enter the room, but is held back by Joe.) Listen, Jesus, I don’t have time. Come back later. (He gently pushes JC out the door and shuts it. Joe returns to the room and sits in the chair. There is another knock on the door. Joe answers the door, to find JC again.) Listen, Jesus, I told you, I don’t have time for you tonight. (Jesus looks very hurt and bows his head to walk away.) Oh, all right, I guess you can come in for a little while.

JC becomes very happy and runs into the room. He is silent, but very happy. Joe offers him to sit down. They each sit down and JC, smiling widely, looks at Joe, who is seated beside him.

Joe: So, Jesus. How’s heaven? (Joe is nervous and constantly looking around the room, at his watch, his fingernails, etc... He becomes anxious and begins to find things to fill the time.) So, Jesus, want to read a magazine? Let’s see... Road and Track, SI, Playb... (Embarrassed.) Ha. Just kidding.

JC sees through the facade and shakes his head.

Joe: How about some television? Yeah, some T.V. That would be great, huh? (JC, happy to spend time with Joe, nods and looks toward the screen or audience. Joe uses a remote to turn on the TV. Joe enjoys what is on, and reacts so. JC, on the other hand, is disgusted by what he sees, and reacts as such. Joe finally realizes that JC is covering his eyes and is turning his head from the TV, and shuts it off.) Gee... sorry Jesus. I guess that show wasn’t as great as I thought it was.

There is the sound of a car horn outside. Joe yells out the window.

Joe: Yeah, guys, coming! I’ll be right there! (To JC.) Ok, Jesus. You stay right here, okay. (Joe goes to leave, but JC stays on his heels.) Listen, Jesus. We don’t have room for you in the car, Okay? STAY HERE. (Joe again tries to leave, but JC follows. Joe leads JC inside and sits him in chair.)

Joe: I got it. How about some reading. (Joe goes to a bookshelf and gets a Bible. He hands it to JC.) Here. Read this. I’m sure you’ll like it. (Jesus looks confused and again follows Joe as he tries to leave.) OH, MAN! (Jesus hands the Bible to Joe.) What? Oh... why would you have to read this... you wrote it.

Voice: Come on, Joe! Let’s get a move on it, man!!

Joe: Be right there, just hold a sec!! (To JC.) Jesus, I told you. You can’t go. I don’t want you to go. Stay here, please. I’m going to walk out that door. And I want you to stay here. You won’t like what goes on at that party. You wouldn’t understand. Just STAY HERE, all right? STAY. I’m leaving. Don’t follow me! (Joe goes to leave, but again, Jesus follows. Joe becomes angry.) Jesus, why don’t you ever listen to me!? I just don’t have time for you right now! I’ll fit you into my life when I have time. Why do you always make me do this?! I told you!!!

Joe violently grabs JC and moves him to center stage. JC is looking at Joe with sad eyes. Joe proceeds to "crucify" JC in the living room. When Joe drives "nails" into JC’s hands and feet, JC screams in pain. This should be the only sound JC makes the entire skit.

Joe: Now, I’m leaving, Jesus. I’ll be back after the party. We can talk then.

Joe goes to the door, opens it and steps partway outside, waving and smiling to his friends waiting in the car. As he turns to shut the door, he sees that JC is looking at him sadly. Joe and JC make eye contact for a few seconds and then Joe shuts the door. JC slowly turns his head to face the audience. After a few seconds, his head falls.